Improving my first draft.

After making my first draft of my thriller opening sequence, my teacher and target audience have given me some feedback on ways to improve.

1. Shorten the running scene. At the present time the running clip is 1:21. Both my teacher and target group agreed that it was a bit too long and could be cut down.

2. I need to add in titles. My first draft did not include any titles using genre specific fonts and names for a production company and the name of the film.

3. The running scene would be more effective with some extreme close up shots to create a sense of mystery and also tension.

4. The running scene needs some props so that the audience can build a bigger picture about Heather's character, personality and vulnerability.

These are the ways in which I will take the comments into account and improve my thriller.

1. One of the reasons I think the running scene appears to be so long is partially due to the fact that there are quite a lot of long shots, so I will add in extreme close-ups in to quicked the pace of the scene and therefore giving it the illusion that it is not lasting as long.

2. For my titles, I have decided that it would not look very good to place them over the current scenes, so I am going to shoot some establishing shots of the woods which I can place titles over the top, without distracting the audience away from the main action.

3. I am also going to shoot some extra shots in which Heather is carrying a bag which when she attempts to get her phone out she drops the contents everywhere. The will show her innocence through the 'girly' props I will choose and will also give me a chance to add in more extreme close-ups. I will add this into the beginning of the sequence so that most of the running sequence will stay the same as overall I was happy with how it was edited together.